Brent Hartinger on LGBT issues and students

Brent Hartinger on LGBT issues and students

[Hi, Cohort: Here is an email from a friend whose wonderfulness will be evident if you read this email.]

Hi Lynn:

Thanks again for asking me to do this. So important! Here are some thoughts.

My name is Brent Hartinger, and I've been a friend of Lynn's for years (she's married to my best friend since kindergarten!).

In 1990, in my hometown of Tacoma, I helped found a gay teen support group called Oasis, which turned out to be one of the first gay teen support groups in the whole country. We didn't know that at the time -- different people in different cities just happened to start doing the same thing at about the same time -- but it was exciting to finally realize we were at the start of a great movement. And boy, has it snowballed since then!

Later, in around 2002, I helped found a gay-straight alliance at my Tacoma high school, Bellarmine Prep. And then in 2003, my first teen novel was published, GEOGRAPHY CLUB, about a group of kids that start a secret Breakfast Club-like gay alliance at their conservative high school: they don't want anyone else to join so they give it the most boring name they can think of -- the Geography Club. This year will also see the release of a feature film version.

So what have I learned from working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth for over twenty years? A couple of key things:

(1) The single most important thing any teacher can do is to simply acknowledge that LGBT people exist.

There's this really scary thing that goes on even today, where people seem to think the mere mention of gay people is somehow "controversial," especially in schools. Looking back on my own teen years, I call it a "conspiracy of silence." I know now there were gay people all around me, that most gay people weren't like what I had seen on TV, but no one ever told me that. By staying silent, those adults were lying to me.

And the thing is, it's not like my fellow students were silent. They talked about gay people all the time! They just didn't know what they were talking about. So I got a whole lot of wrong information.

This is a fact: some people are gay (or bisexual or transgender); some people have same-sex parents; and some people have friends and family members who are gay.

And every kid, whether they know gay people or not, has questions.

Teachers should be able to say these things and answer these questions, to kids of any age (in an age-appropriate way, of course). None of this has anything to do with religion or politics: it's simply acknowledging basic reality.

Again, if you don't ever mention LGBT people in the classroom, you're still teaching a very powerful lesson that every kid in your class will pick up on and learn. It will just happen to be very wrong.

(2) Don't assume anyone is gay, don't assume anyone is straight. There are a lot of different ways to be gay.

Obviously there are a lot of stereotypes about gay people. Sometimes they're true for some people, sometimes they're not.

LGBT kids who conform to some of the stereotypes have one set of issues -- namely, that everyone thinks they're gay, and sometimes that there's something "wrong" with being a more feminine boy or a more masculine girl. Kids who don't conform to the stereotypes have a different set off issues -- namely, that everyone assumes they're straight and they'll be treated differently if people find out the truth.

And then, of course, there are all those kids who display gay stereotypes who happen to be straight, and other kids who are the kids of same-sex parents.

Bottom line? There are lots of different ways to be gay, or to be affected by gay people. And a kid is gay if and when he or she says he or she is. (Let's also acknowledge: if a kid says he or she is gay, we should respect that. When a kid identifies as straight, no one ever asks if it's "just a phase" he's going through. A lot of adults and parents sometimes assume the way a kid acts is all about them or about adults in general, but usually it really is just all about the kid.)

(3) Even today, there's still a fair bit of pain for kids involving LGBT issues.

Since I started publishing gay teen novels in 2003, I've received literally thousands of emails from LGBT kids (and also straight ones). And frequently the LGBT kids say the same thing: they feel alone; they don't feel safe around their friends and family; they don't feel they have anyone they can talk to, anyone who accepts them for who they are.

As a teacher, you can have enormous influence over these kids simply by listening to what they have to say, and accepting them for who they are. But if you can't do this, if this violates your personal political or religious beliefs, I'd encourage you to refer the student to someone who is more comfortable with these issues.

I've said this many times: if people could read my email for one month, all anti-gay prejudice would immediately disappear. These are some fantastic kids, and it breaks my heart to see their hearts so often getting broken. In my opinion, there's just no reason for it.

Anyway, I hope I said something helpful here. Hit me up if you any specific questions! Oh, and feel free to read one of my books or two...